Confessions Of A Cineplex Heckler

Joe Queenan

Editions

Review

I wouldn’t want anyone to think I was a tired and cynical bookseller (as opposed to plain old ordinary tired and cynical in general), but I never imagined that this sequel would match up to the supremely funny, If You're Talking To Me, Your Career Must Be In Trouble pbk £6.99.  But this is one of the rare occasions when I am happy to admit I was wrong.  As before, you can turn to the index for quick - not to mention politically incorrect - laughs: ‘Streisand, Barbra: facial resemblance to Egyptian princess who has been dead for at least 4,000 years, 179’; ‘White people: extreme difficulty in finding any who like Spike Lee, 155’ etc., etc.  But don’t deny yourself the utter joy of reading the whole essay on Barbra Streisand, and please forgive me for quoting most of the second paragraph:

‘…Streisand has repeatedly complained that she grew up thinking she was ugly because her mother never told her that she was pretty. (Julia Roberts, one presumes, had exactly the opposite experience.) From this we can learn one thing: Whatever other crimes Streisand Senior may one day have to answer for, bald-faced lying is not one of them.’

I knew this was the book for me as early as page five, where Queenan mentions Hitchcock’s ‘Spellbound’ in an essay where he describes what happens when he tries to imitate some of the things which film-makers have been trying to get audiences to accept as likely, or even possible, for years.  In discussing one of the main plot points of ‘Spellbound’, he reveals his conclusion that ‘a layman suffering from severe amnesia could not land a job as the director of a famous psychiatric institution (where he would occasionally be called upon to practice [sic] brain surgery) without at least coming in first for a face-to-face interview’.  If you’ve seen the film, you’ll know just what he means.  If not, you’ll laugh anyway.  Superb! - review by Dan Fenton